A Lesson to my Daughters
As a mother of two daughters, I have always been very aware that my girls pay very close attention to how I talk about myself and the women in my life.
I have a sister, who is also my bestfriend, and I have a work friend-turned-kindred spirit; both of who I love and adore…but that’s as big as my female circle gets. I keep this tribe small because frankly, you are who you surround yourself with. These women are strong and fierce and kind and compassionate.
We all are on different paths, but something we all believe passionately, is that when you lift other women up, we are all elevated.
So, what is the purpose in sharing this with you?
This lesson to my daughters comes from the most unlikely catalyst. The Bachelor. The first episode of any season, introduces all the characters for the first time. The ladies are gorgeous and glammed up like it’s the Oscars or Golden Globes; I love watching this episode in particular to “oooh and ahhh” at the beautiful dresses and place bets with my husband on who will make it to the end.
On this particular evening my daughters were slow to brush their teeth and comb their hair before going to bed. My older daughter overheard my husband and my assessment of the contestants.
“Oh wow. She is gorgeous.” “Look at her, incredibly stunning!” “She is so beautiful!”
She marched into our bedroom, glared at her father and said, “Mom! Dad! Don’t say that!” We were both surprised. She appeared incredibly bothered and upset, but her statement didn’t give any insight as to why she was feeling this way. When I tucked her in to bed a few minutes later I asked what was wrong, and why our observations had bothered her.
She explained, “Well, I don’t want Dad to say other girls are pretty because it will hurt your feelings….And you are pretty, so you shouldn’t watch the other girls because I don’t want you to be sad.” I looked at her and smiled. It was thoughtful of her to be aware of how these statements might make me feel.
“My darling,” I began, “Thank you for being aware of how that might make me feel, but you don’t have to worry because I don’t feel that way at all.” She looked at me, confused. “Let me tell you something I learned being all grown up. Queens, like you and I… Queens straighten other Queens crowns.” She looked at me even more unsure than she was before.
I had instilled in both my daughter, before they were ever old enough to speak, that they were Queens. No, we don’t come from a royal bloodline, and are of no relation to William or Harry. My daughters are Queens in their own right.
How do you treat a Queen? With dignity and respect. How does a Queen treat everyone she interreacts with? She is kind, considerate, and empathetic. What does a Queen do? She makes an impact on the world and in people’s lives by being the best she can be and by helping others.
To whom much is given, much is expected.
“Queens straighten other Queens crowns baby. By saying another woman is beautiful, doesn’t take away from the fact I am beautiful. Saying another woman is gorgeous doesn’t mean I am ugly. Saying another woman is smart or kind or wonderful…” She cut in, because it was making sense to her now, “…doesn’t mean you aren’t the same way!” Yes! Exactly! I gave her a tight squeeze and a kiss on the head.
I walked toward her door and turned out the light. “Wait, Mom. So is a good way to straighten other Queen’s crowns by helping them and being kind and telling them they’re beautiful too?”
“Yes my love. You are absolutley right.”